Why is it that humans have yet to master relationship skills? Why is it so ridiculously difficult? Amazon has 295,005 books on dating and none of them sound that helpful. The titles sound kind of frightening, actually:

Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You'll Barely Keep from Dating Yourself! by Marie Forleo

Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man by Steve Nakamoto

Man Magnet: How to Be the Best Woman You Can Be in Order to Get the Best Man by Romy Miller

Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship by Sherry Argov

How to be a Super Hot Woman: 339 Tips to Make Every Man Fall in Love with You and Every Woman Envy You by Mandy Simons and Emily J. Terry

I want to write a book like, "How to be a Normal, Sane Person in the Insane World of Dating: Tips for Men and Women." I might read that. That sounds less aggressive and terrifying. Of course, I would have to figure out what those tips are exactly and make sure that they work. That's unlikely since I still get tripped up over "Chapter One: Establish mutual interest."

doublethink

My bookshelf is overrun with books, and many of them have never been read. A relatively small percentage of the books have been read about 30% of the way through them. This is because I get off track. I pick up a new book without finishing the other one first. This might be fine, but I cannot read two books at once without some rather unfortunate plot blending. Recently I realized that I have not been a very good reader, so I am working on it.

Right now I am almost halfway through George Orwell's 1984. I purchased this book a few years ago, I believe. I don't remember the exact circumstances surrounding the purchase. I vaguely recall thinking that it was a shame that I made it through high school and college without ever reading it. It stayed on my bookshelf with the other candidates until it came to my attention again. Sometime last month I decided to write my own 1984-like story based on the current political climate. I began writing notes and key phrases for the story in a little notebook. It soon occurred to me that I should probably read the source material. 1.) I like to give credit where credit is due, and 2.) I did not want to accidentally steal ideas from Orwell which may have made their way into the public consciousness (and therefore into my consciousness).

I'm quite engrossed in this novel. My dreams of late have even been tinged with a Big Brother vibe. It's strange how I have been able to keep on track with this book--so far, anyway--when plenty of other worthy books sit on my shelves unread or one-third read. As a kid, I loved to read. I read with a competitive desire to be The Best Reader. (In third grade, I did receive multiple trophies from the school librarian.) I still love books and reading, but I haven't made it a priority in recent years. I have amassed a pretty nice book collection, I claim to love reading, yet I do not spend much time reading. I love to read, but I do not read. Perhaps this is one reason why 1984 is speaking to me; I engage in doublethink.

What would my alias be? Should really plan ahead for such things.

I wonder when I will be able to get it all together instead of just some of it. I feel too tired to even try to engage with anyone.

waking up is hard to do

I had some tests run to rule out other causes of my ADD symptoms. I apparently do not have any crazy neurological problems, which is so disappointing because I was hoping for a good explanation for my difficulties. Lately it's been the waking up on time (and then staying awake) that's been the issue. I use my cell phone as one alarm. I have an alarm clock that goes off twice. I sometimes also set a travel alarm, and I currently use the Wacky Shake and Wake alarm for special occasions. Maybe I should use it every day. If that fails, I want this puzzle clock for my birthday. You are required to complete a puzzle to turn the alarm off. I'm not that great at puzzles, so it should probably work.

I considered getting an account with WakeUpLand, which would send a wake-up call to my phone, but I think I would just hang up on them every day.

Would I be good at fundraising?

Today some co-workers were talking about how they find it difficult to ask anyone for money. One such co-worker has been preparing for a 5K run and none of us had known because she only put one flier up on the bulletin board, and someone had covered the flier with a customizable tank top. Another co-worker quickly took up her cause and started spreading the word:




I don't have a super difficult time asking family and friends for donations. I pretty much just say "I am selling raffle tickets" and see what happens. Then again, a few years ago I tried to have a carnation sale on Sweetest Day to raise money for Psi Chi, the National Honor Society in Psychology; it did not go super well. I believe my friend Rachel got her mom to purchase $30 of carnations so that I would be free to get out of there. Rachel and I went out for Applebee's. Psi Chi broke even.

I don't want to dismiss myself as unable to fund raise though! I think I'm just good at random, shortterm fundraising. Speaking of which, anyone want to buy a $5 raffle ticket supporting Cornerstone Services? You can even buy raffle tickets on-line... just let them know that Brigid led you there.

As a kid, I saved all my movie ticket stubs. Sometimes I'm still hesitant to throw them away.

It does my heart good to know that there are people out there who love the movie That Thing You Do! I remember going to an advance screening which played after the movie Independence Day. I had just started the eighth grade, and it was thrilling to see two movies in a row. In fact, I don't know why I don't do that more often. I remember seeing Scream 2 and Titanic on the same day, and I liked Scream 2 better. A few years ago I went with friends to see The Aviator, Sideways, and Being Julia on the same day as a mini-Oscar marathon. I know I've done this on other occasions--I must have--but I can't remember the others offhand.

It's strange when I recall some of the movies that I went to the theater to see. I have always loved the experience of going to the movies. It is really hard for me to say no to seeing a movie. This is why I saw Vin Diesel in XXX three times in the theater. It's why I encouraged my dad to take my sister and me to see Gone Fishin', even though I had already seen it and knew that it wasn't very good. It's why I saw Idle Hands, Dead Man on Campus, Cabin Fever, Apt Pupil, Wild Things, Without a Paddle, The Shaggy Dog, Disturbing Behavior, Jawbreaker... Actually, I should re-watch Jawbreaker to see if I appreciate it more now that I've seen Judy Greer as Kitty on Arrested Development (the greatest comedy of our time).

I have a fantastic Sad Face.

Every now and then I am reminded that I do things which could potentially ignite anger. Usually this comes in the form of showing up an hour late or forgetting to return a voicemail for a few days. When people do express anger, I tend to calmly accept it and then quickly win them back using some self-deprication and the freckles on my face. I have a hunch that my young, freckled face makes it nearly impossible for people to stay mad for long. I do not believe this works with relatives or really close friends, but it is a pretty good bet with acquaintances. Also, I can be charming when I want to be.

Today I wondered what I will do when I am no longer a cute, frazzled, twenty-something. I have a sick feeling that in the next decade I might have to come up with a new way for people to forgive me for my lateness and forgetfulness.