Hey! You're not John Cusack!

I have not been watching The Bachelorette (though I have seen a few clips on The Soup), but I came across a quote in Jennifer Armstrong's Bachelorette recap for Entertainment Weekly:

The thing about wild romantic gestures is they look really embarrassing and dumb unless they come from someone you want to be doing them. Then suddenly they go from stalkery to sweet. (Imagine any guy you don't like doing anything John Cusack has done for love in his various movies. Yep, John Cusack would be a stalker if he weren't John Cusack.)

I suppose that's what makes grand romantic gestures such a gamble. A guy has to know whether or not you see them as John Cusack or... pretty much anyone else. In the meantime, I'd settle for some small romantic gestures: flowers, a mix CD, a handwritten note... In such non-romantic times as these, a guy can score big points pretty easily.

Watch out, brain!

"The study says that the women aged 27-45 have more sexual fantasies than the women aged 18-26."

-From Cougar Sex Decoded: Why Older Women Seek Out Younger Men

I just turned twenty-seven. I don't know if I am horrified to be included in an article about cougars or excited to learn that I am in my prime.

Fictional Romantic Gestures That Have Ruined Me for Ordinary Males #3: Friends

This is a fictional romantic gesture that took years to actually get recognized. Rachel and Monica revisit an old home movie from their prom night. I'm not entirely sure why Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are so enthused to watch this home movie but that's not important. Rachel finally learns that, when it looked like her prom date was a no-show, Ross got all dressed up to go with her. The date showed up, leaving poor Ross looking bereft. Current Ross is clearly uncomfortable reliving this moment, but he is rewarded with a passionate kiss from Rachel.

As Phoebe says, "He's her lobster!" Who doesn't want to find their lobster?

Fictional Romantic Gestures That Have Ruined Me for Ordinary Males #2: The O.C.

I loved The O.C. (2003-2007)

This wonderful television program had it all: witty banter, beautiful people, and lots of punching. They tried for a while to make the show's core couple be Ryan and Marissa, but this was beyond boring. No, it was really all about Seth and Summer: one of the greatest television couples of all time. Summer was a little hesitant about publicly dating Seth, so he made a grand romantic gesture that made my little undergraduate heart flip flop all over the place back in Season 1.

Fictional Romantic Gestures That Have Ruined Me for Ordinary Males #1: Say Anything

So, it's no secret that I love John Cusack. It's also no secret that there are many women out there who share my love of his character in the 1989 film Say Anything, Lloyd Dobler. Why hasn't this inspired more men to be like Lloyd Dobler? That is unclear. Sure, it's hard to pull off a stunt like this. In the wrong light, you might get labeled a stalker. You had better have a record of sweet, earnest, non-creepy behavior to back it up.

At any rate, the boom box over the head gesture is iconic, romantic, and really sets the bar too high for everyone else in the whole world. I apologize for that, but there's not much I can do about it now.