Life Lessons All Over the Place

So, 2010 has thus far been full of life lessons. Being a generous person, I am going to share some of them with you. Being a tired person, I'm only going to give you one right now.

Lesson 1: If you have to ask... you probably know the answer. Often the truth is painful and we let ourselves get blinded by false optimism. Instead, we need to recognize that the very existence of those questions and concerns is often a big indicator that something is amiss. Questions in this category include:
"Do you think he might be gay?"
Yes. He is. He's not playing hard to get. He's not "just really shy." Time to move on.
"Is this friendship worth reviving?"
No. Some friendships have a clear expiration date and trying to continue them beyond that time is likely to leave a sour taste in your mouth pretty similar to that of expired dairy products.
"Should I get bangs?"
No. Well, maybe you should, but I have curly hair and there's no way I'm waking up early every day to straighten those things. So... that's a yes if you're Zooey Deschanel* and no if you're a curly haired girl like me.
"Is my cat the cutest cat in the world?"
If it's me asking the question about my cat Violet**, yes, yes, a million times yes.

*Zooey Deschanel is a professional bang-wearer. Proceed with caution when attempting bangs.

**Violet is the cutest cat in the world. Anyone who says otherwise is delusional and just plain wrong.

 

Friendship lessons (and possibly some mixed metaphors)

For the past few years, I have been involved in a precarious friendship. I say this because there were always warning bells going off in my brain. Don't say that. Don't do that. You couldn't possibly mention that! I shrugged off my mother's warnings that any friendship that could be so easily thrown off course was probably not very strong. Instead I continued to walk on eggshells--at least when it came to certain subjects--and it all seemed to work out okay.

Now, as I go through a difficult period of unemployment, I am realizing that friendships are not supposed to be fragile little flowers. They need to be able to withstand some heavy rains, maybe even the occasional snowstorm. Great friends are more like trees than flowers. I am lucky to know some oaks, and I know they will be there for me through this rough patch as well as when life gets better. There will be other flowery friends--they make life a little brighter, after all--but I know now that mistaking them for trees will only lead to disappointment. Maybe some friendships just aren't built to last.

How do men define relationships with the women in their lives?

I want a male perspective on something. Imagine the non-related, age-appropriate women that you interact with on a regular basis and presumably like as human beings. How do you define those relationships in terms of dating--or do you? Is it like Off-limits (married), Off-limits (boyfriend-check back later), Platonic friends (unless Armageddon-type scenario), Platonic friends (unless alcohol intakes proves too great), Potential girlfriends (third, second, first choice), Dream girl, etc.? Or am I way off course? I want to crack the code.


Unless there is no code, which is what I fear. Somewhere along the way it became cool to "not want to put labels" on relationships. I believe this has caused a great deal of wasted time by the romantics among us. I personally have great difficulty completely exorcising a crush because for every time I think, "That's the last straw! Obviously he doesn't like me that way," there's always the seed of doubt. I tend to be attracted to men who lean toward the shy side, which makes it easier for me to make excuses for them. If I was only attracted to guys with a more "I know what I want and I go after it" attitude towards romance, I wouldn't have all this confusion. Still, someone has got to help the shy guys successfully date. 

Hey! You're not John Cusack!

I have not been watching The Bachelorette (though I have seen a few clips on The Soup), but I came across a quote in Jennifer Armstrong's Bachelorette recap for Entertainment Weekly:

The thing about wild romantic gestures is they look really embarrassing and dumb unless they come from someone you want to be doing them. Then suddenly they go from stalkery to sweet. (Imagine any guy you don't like doing anything John Cusack has done for love in his various movies. Yep, John Cusack would be a stalker if he weren't John Cusack.)

I suppose that's what makes grand romantic gestures such a gamble. A guy has to know whether or not you see them as John Cusack or... pretty much anyone else. In the meantime, I'd settle for some small romantic gestures: flowers, a mix CD, a handwritten note... In such non-romantic times as these, a guy can score big points pretty easily.

Watch out, brain!

"The study says that the women aged 27-45 have more sexual fantasies than the women aged 18-26."

-From Cougar Sex Decoded: Why Older Women Seek Out Younger Men

I just turned twenty-seven. I don't know if I am horrified to be included in an article about cougars or excited to learn that I am in my prime.

Fictional Romantic Gestures That Have Ruined Me for Ordinary Males #3: Friends

This is a fictional romantic gesture that took years to actually get recognized. Rachel and Monica revisit an old home movie from their prom night. I'm not entirely sure why Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are so enthused to watch this home movie but that's not important. Rachel finally learns that, when it looked like her prom date was a no-show, Ross got all dressed up to go with her. The date showed up, leaving poor Ross looking bereft. Current Ross is clearly uncomfortable reliving this moment, but he is rewarded with a passionate kiss from Rachel.

As Phoebe says, "He's her lobster!" Who doesn't want to find their lobster?

Fictional Romantic Gestures That Have Ruined Me for Ordinary Males #2: The O.C.

I loved The O.C. (2003-2007)

This wonderful television program had it all: witty banter, beautiful people, and lots of punching. They tried for a while to make the show's core couple be Ryan and Marissa, but this was beyond boring. No, it was really all about Seth and Summer: one of the greatest television couples of all time. Summer was a little hesitant about publicly dating Seth, so he made a grand romantic gesture that made my little undergraduate heart flip flop all over the place back in Season 1.