Friendship lessons (and possibly some mixed metaphors)

For the past few years, I have been involved in a precarious friendship. I say this because there were always warning bells going off in my brain. Don't say that. Don't do that. You couldn't possibly mention that! I shrugged off my mother's warnings that any friendship that could be so easily thrown off course was probably not very strong. Instead I continued to walk on eggshells--at least when it came to certain subjects--and it all seemed to work out okay.

Now, as I go through a difficult period of unemployment, I am realizing that friendships are not supposed to be fragile little flowers. They need to be able to withstand some heavy rains, maybe even the occasional snowstorm. Great friends are more like trees than flowers. I am lucky to know some oaks, and I know they will be there for me through this rough patch as well as when life gets better. There will be other flowery friends--they make life a little brighter, after all--but I know now that mistaking them for trees will only lead to disappointment. Maybe some friendships just aren't built to last.

How do men define relationships with the women in their lives?

I want a male perspective on something. Imagine the non-related, age-appropriate women that you interact with on a regular basis and presumably like as human beings. How do you define those relationships in terms of dating--or do you? Is it like Off-limits (married), Off-limits (boyfriend-check back later), Platonic friends (unless Armageddon-type scenario), Platonic friends (unless alcohol intakes proves too great), Potential girlfriends (third, second, first choice), Dream girl, etc.? Or am I way off course? I want to crack the code.


Unless there is no code, which is what I fear. Somewhere along the way it became cool to "not want to put labels" on relationships. I believe this has caused a great deal of wasted time by the romantics among us. I personally have great difficulty completely exorcising a crush because for every time I think, "That's the last straw! Obviously he doesn't like me that way," there's always the seed of doubt. I tend to be attracted to men who lean toward the shy side, which makes it easier for me to make excuses for them. If I was only attracted to guys with a more "I know what I want and I go after it" attitude towards romance, I wouldn't have all this confusion. Still, someone has got to help the shy guys successfully date.